Hitting
is an emotional response. Most of the
time aggression is being driven by fear, even if the child is laughing when the
hitting is happening (Podwoski, 2017).
Laughter is another way to release the feelings of fear. We should give them words for their emotions
(if we know what has happened) and let them know that what they feel is
okay. “Bobby, the bad weather is
outside. We are inside. It’s okay if you are afraid, but we are safe
here. Hitting your friends hurts them;
we have to
keep our hands nice and gentle.
Let’s go read a book to calm ourselves.” Children know what they are feeling, but do
not know the words for it. This is our
job – to give words (vocabulary) to help children express themselves when they
are finally able to talk to us. Do
children automatically know what a cup is? No, we drill it into their brains
while they are infants. We begin giving
them words very early; we should be giving them words for emotions while they
are infants as well. Being able to name
what they are feeling will enable them to begin learning how to calm themselves
and control themselves (more on this later).
Sometimes
the hitting is not necessarily aggressive.
In these cases, the child has probably seen or felt hitting for some
reason and may well relate it to attention-getting. Stay calm and breathe. Interrupt the action and then give words to
the child that hitting is not appropriate, “Hitting hurts, we should use gentle
touches.” As you are talking to the
child, pat the child’s hand or rub his arm to demonstrate how touches should be
gentle. Observe the group to determine the
reason. Try to find out why the hitting
is happening – just like biting, they may not have the words to describe what is
going on.
Remember,
each child needs to receive your undivided attention at some point throughout
the day. By giving the child individual
attention, you are building a bond with the child – a bond that tells him he is
safe and loved. Think back to your time
in school. Do you remember your favorite
teacher? What was so special about that
teacher that you can fondly remember his/her classroom? My guess is your teacher made you feel
special in some way; am I right? We need
to make each individual child we work with feel they are special every day all
day!
Remember to stay calm and breathe. Interrupt the action. Give words for feelings, for appropriate and inappropriate
actions, and for distraction and/or redirection. Give attention and love!
As a side note: it is completely okay for a child to cry –
yes even boys! They need to relieve
pressure just like we do. Let them know
it’s okay to feel like they do and it’s okay to cry. Remember to help them name those emotions –
to do that we must be able to name our emotions as well.
What do you do when the child hits you? What choices do you give your hitter for redirection? Had you ever thought about fear being the reason for hitting? or thought it was just being mean and aggressive? What emotion words do you give your child(ren)? How do you discuss those words with them?
What do you do when the child hits you? What choices do you give your hitter for redirection? Had you ever thought about fear being the reason for hitting? or thought it was just being mean and aggressive? What emotion words do you give your child(ren)? How do you discuss those words with them?
Thanks & Toddler on!!
Padwoski, L. (2017). Handinhandparenting.org. When
your toddler hits you: a new perspective. Retrieved from http://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/when-your-toddler-hits-you/
