Hitting is Learning!

Hitting is an emotional response.  Most of the time aggression is being driven by fear, even if the child is laughing when the hitting is happening (Podwoski, 2017).  Laughter is another way to release the feelings of fear.  We should give them words for their emotions (if we know what has happened) and let them know that what they feel is okay.  “Bobby, the bad weather is outside.  We are inside.  It’s okay if you are afraid, but we are safe here.  Hitting your friends hurts them; we have to

keep our hands nice and gentle.  Let’s go read a book to calm ourselves.”  Children know what they are feeling, but do not know the words for it.  This is our job – to give words (vocabulary) to help children express themselves when they are finally able to talk to us.  Do children automatically know what a cup is? No, we drill it into their brains while they are infants.  We begin giving them words very early; we should be giving them words for emotions while they are infants as well.  Being able to name what they are feeling will enable them to begin learning how to calm themselves and control themselves (more on this later). 

Sometimes the hitting is not necessarily aggressive.  In these cases, the child has probably seen or felt hitting for some reason and may well relate it to attention-getting.  Stay calm and breathe.  Interrupt the action and then give words to the child that hitting is not appropriate, “Hitting hurts, we should use gentle touches.”  As you are talking to the child, pat the child’s hand or rub his arm to demonstrate how touches should be gentle.  Observe the group to determine the reason.  Try to find out why the hitting is happening – just like biting, they may not have the words to describe what is going on. 

Remember, each child needs to receive your undivided attention at some point throughout the day.  By giving the child individual attention, you are building a bond with the child – a bond that tells him he is safe and loved.  Think back to your time in school.  Do you remember your favorite teacher?  What was so special about that teacher that you can fondly remember his/her classroom?  My guess is your teacher made you feel special in some way; am I right?  We need to make each individual child we work with feel they are special every day all day!

            Remember to stay calm and breathe.  Interrupt the action.  Give words for feelings, for appropriate and inappropriate actions, and for distraction and/or redirection.  Give attention and love!

            As a side note:  it is completely okay for a child to cry – yes even boys!  They need to relieve pressure just like we do.  Let them know it’s okay to feel like they do and it’s okay to cry.  Remember to help them name those emotions – to do that we must be able to name our emotions as well.
            What do you do when the child hits you?  What choices do you give your hitter for redirection?  Had you ever thought about fear being the reason for hitting? or thought it was just being mean and aggressive?  What emotion words do you give your child(ren)?  How do you discuss those words with them?

            Thanks & Toddler on!!

Padwoski, L. (2017). Handinhandparenting.org. When your toddler hits you: a new perspective. Retrieved from http://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/when-your-toddler-hits-you/